Whew 2019! Chiiiiiile…so much to say about this year. Each year usually comes with its fair share of highs and lows, but this one was a doozy. It probably takes the cake for being one of my most challenging years to date. But despite feeling like I was experiencing some of my darkest days, I close the year with a feeling of overwhelming gratitude.
I questioned whether God existed, whether I was a good mother, daughter, sister, friend, lawyer, you name it. My confidence at times felt like it had taken a permanent vacation and I felt depleted of the optimism I once had. I continued to endure the struggles of co-parenting; I spent almost a year dating someone who, in the end, didn’t truly value me or hold the values that were most important to me. My communication with many of my family and friends was inconsistent and spotty at best. I could go on and on writing a list a mile long of all of the “struggles” I faced in 2019, but it’s not important because in the end, what felt like anxiety and heartache turned into remarkable life lessons.
As my four-year-old says, I would be “telling a Donald Trump” if I said I got to the other side of the 2019 mountain on my own. During my toughest and darkest moments, God stepped in sending his angels to remind me that weeping may come at night but joy cometh in the morning! I gave myself grace in accepting that I wasn’t my best self. I leaned on my family and friends without humiliation, instead of trying to maintain an unsteady balance. They showed me the true meaning of family/friendship/love, believing in me at times when I stopped believing in myself. My favorite directive remains, “go in the bathroom, cry then buck up; you’re a black woman, we were built for this!”
I leave 2019 behind filled with more gratitude, love, empathy, purpose and self-assurance. To say that I’m absolutely proud of myself and thankful to God for using this final year of the decade to teach me to be more faithful and patient, and for reminding me that I am WAY stronger than I could have ever imagined I could be, is an understatement.
I’m entering the new decade and embarking on my 40th trip around the sun with a renewed sense of confidence that I haven’t worn in a long time. You know that feeling when you’ve studied really hard for an exam and you can’t wait for exam day to come because you know you’re gonna crush it? Well that’s how I’m stepping into 2020.
Grounded in my belief, and steadfast in knowing my worth, I’m aiming high in 2020 and taking along a few sage reminders:
1. Shoot your shot but know when it’s better to pass the ball.
2. Not everyone who is with you is for you. Accept when your journey and season with someone has come to an end and be thankful for the role they played in your life.
3. God (or whatever you call your higher power) is in control and your steps are ordered.
4. Begin and end your days with gratitude, recounting and appreciating your blessings no matter how small.
5. Fake it until you make it. Sometimes you have to pretend that you’re better than you feel until one day you realize you’re no longer pretending.
6. Trust your instincts. Know when, and don’t be afraid, to say yes and no.
7. Be thankful for those who play a role in your joys, pains, highs and lows.
8. Don’t sweat the small things.
9. Laugh.
10. Pray.
11. Love.
2019, I owe you a debt of gratitude because you did your job, but I’m ready to crush the SH*T out of 2020! Wishing you the best in making this next year and decade your greatest and most memorable one yet!
P.S. the blog is back!