I am declaring a national moratorium on any discussion related to black, educated, single women and the dating plight. I admit that I’ve allowed myself to be sucked into the never-ending cyclic conversation but today I say NO MORE. Talking about it won’t change it, and since when did being single become such a bad thing? I can’t speak for all my girlfriends but being single doesn’t bother me, it’s the idea that I’m single because there aren’t any good men out there (or the usual notion that all the good men are married or gay) that leads me to engage in that never-ending discussion that perpetuates the stigma.
Over the weekend I realized that there are not only good men out there, there are GREAT men out there (and their foine too) and they want YOU! I’m not talking about the full-of-excuses-trying-to-get-their-act-together men. I mean the all-that-you-want-and-then-some type of man. I know some of you are busting at the seams for me to tell you where they are. Well, just look around….he’s right there…in front of you….waiting for you to see him.
Huh? Yeah I know that sounds a bit confusing. But that’s exactly where he is. As women, we never see them (I say them because there’s more than one) because we’re too preoccupied with Mr. Wrong. And when we’re not busying ourselves with him, we’re continuing the discussion about why we remain black, educated and single. So this is my call to action for all women out there (not just the single ones because the non-single women contribute too). Stop complaining about being single or dwelling on the Mr. Wrong you’re dealing with (or have dealt with in the past). Leave him where he belongs—in the past. As the saying goes, let him go left ’cause he ain’t right. Stop reading the articles and books and listening to the radio shows that profit from the “plight of the single educated black woman”. What do we really learn from those things that we don’t already know? Don’t get me wrong, there are a few articles (this is a good read) out there that women should take heed to but those always seem to be the ones we overlook. Instead, we gravitate toward the stories that call us to commiserate the single life.
One of the (many) good things about when you’re single is that it’s a time of reflection–for you to remind yourself of the unwavering qualities you want in Mr. Right—for you to ensure that your compromises don’t turn into settling for Mr. Wrong. Place value in yourself and love all your beautiful qualities. Acknowledge all that you have to give and don’t waste your time on men who don’t appreciate you. Laugh a little harder, pray a little deeper and live life like the blessing that it is. Then and only then will you be able to see your beautiful spirit and accept Mr. Right who is patiently standing there waiting for you.