Chucking My Deuces Up!!

Last week it started to become really cold in DC, but the weather has been unseasonably warm this weekend. I was trying to decide what to do this morning when I had a video chat with my bestie who lives in South Africa.  After doing our usual lamenting about our lives,  and proffering our unsolicited free advice to each other, I decided that it was time to do some fall cleaning.  Nope, not of my apartment (though that also needs to be done), but of some of the people men in my life.

I explained to her how I felt as if my life wasn’t together.  Like most of my friends, she couldn’t understand why I would say that or I would have this feeling of unhappiness.  Here I am living out my dream….doing all that I have always set out to do.  I have the career that I have always wanted to have, I am living the life that some might envy, yet still I was chatting to my bestie complaining about being unsatisfied.  I guess to some extent we are all a bit unsatisfied with our lives–it might be what causes us to challenge ourselves and aspire for more.  But this type of dissatisfaction I have acquired had become unnerving.  Could I ever attain happiness, completeness, and satisfaction in my life?  I started to realize that if I had ever reached that point, then the challenge was over and I might as well roll over and die.  In other words, life is always filled with challenges.

It hit me then that the root of my recent unhappiness dissatisfaction was the fact that I have men in my life who either have hurt me in the past or provide no added value for my future.  Now we all know people that fall under these two categories in our lives so why am I focusing on cleaning out the men you might ask?  Because I realize that as I continue to fulfill my professional aspirations, it is more fulfilling when you have someone to enjoy it with.  I am sick and tired of my tumultuous love life.  So I have a new fall anthem.  I’m clearing out the men clothes that’s been hanging in my closet for a few years knowing I don’t ever plan on taking them off the hanger to wear them again.  To prevent myself from going in the closet to try on those pants which I know no longer fits me or just isn’t a good look, I’m clearing them out and getting a new wardrobe (peep the analogy).

So I turned on my new theme song–Deuces (un-edited version).  I am not a fan of Chris Brown but I heard the words to the song the other day (yes I’m falling behind on staying up on pop culture) and it was talking to me like one of those good church songs that causes you to stand up and catch the spirit.  With a glass of one of my fine South African wines in tow (which I only open on important occasions), I began writing The List (no pun intended).  They won’t know that fall cleaning is coming, I won’t say a word.  I’ll just slip away unnoticed.  I’m flipping the middle finger up and the index finger follows…Deuces


5 Responses to “Chucking My Deuces Up!!”

  1. The Neighbors Know My Name Says:

    Chuck dem Deuces den Shawty!!!

    Soooo List, let me get this straight…You have closet full of clothes that you are unhappy with, for whatever reason, and you are gonna do what? Get more clothes for the closet? Go on a shopping spree? Or are you too old to shop now? I’m confused! Of all the clothes you have hanging, you’re just now getting rid of?? You seem much too smart for all that.

    One thing I do know…YOU are the only common factor in the clothes YOU are wearing…Is it the clothes or your diet? (Oooo check the analogy)

    I don’t think the Dress or article of clothing is going to find its way to your closet unless you go out there and get it…and if I were you, I’d try it on…and if it’s a wee bit too tight, I’d WORK HARD to fit into that joker…

    IDK if you think love is easy, IDK if you really have a rough love life or not, but I’m sure the issue runs deeper than just the clothes in your closet…that’s really all I’m saying…


  2. LIST Says:

    TNKMN: Thanks for your comment and your curiosity to this post. There are a few things I need to clarify. The clothes in the closet either no longer fit or they have run their course and need to be removed (i.e., taken to the Goodwill/Salvation Army). Yes, I’ve had some of the clothes hanging in their for a while and for one reason or another I was afraid to throw them out. It might be my favorite top that is worn and tattered but has a lot of memories. Or the pair of jeans that I can no longer fit into, but throwing it away would confirm that I have put on a few extra pounds.

    Whatever the reason, I am not wearing them and probably won’t wear them. So they’re just taking up space and preventing me from purchasing a new wardrobe because when I go into my closet, it’s packed with old clothes. Not sure what you mean by the smart comment, but even the smartest people do the most foolish things. But the key is to wise up….and I have!

    It might be the diet, and I never blamed the clothes for having to be thrown out. But I’m working on the diet, and when I get that new body, I’m probably going to want a new wardrobe to go with the new me. Somehow the old clothes can never appreciate the new body…it’s like they have been stretched to fit the old you.

    Don’t get it twisted, I don’t expect the new clothes to appear in my closet. Once I get the body right, LIST is going shopping….and she’s only purchasing perfect fits….not squeezing my body into anything anymore!

    Taking away the analogy, the issue is deeper than my closet. Yes. The issues is my quest to find happiness (as it pertains to my love life). Am I perfect? No I’m not, but I still want clothes that fit. I’m tired of the comment: You’re smart, your beautiful, you seem like a down to earth chick…I’m shocked that you don’t have a man. The next time someone says that to me, I’ll now have a better response: Don’t worry, I’m working out then I’m going shopping!

    “I know you mad but so what? I wish you best of luck. And now im finna throw them deuces up!”


    • The Neighbors Know My Name Says:

      Interesting response List. You’re welcome for the comment, but I am not curious…don’t be confused.

      There’s an issue: “…probably won’t wear…” This clearly states there is a possibility that you will pull out that memory, tattered top, stretched jeans, etc. Is it you are a pack rat or that top is THE BOMB?

      Smart people may do foolish things, but they LEARN from them. Another adage for you a wise man once told me: “The first time, it’s a mistake. The second time, it’s stupidity.” What have you learned from your shopping? Is your closet sooooo big??

      I commend you on getting on that diet!!!

      Issue #2: “…when I get that new body, I’m PROBABLY going to want a new wardrobe…” This clearly states you will likely have some clothes that now fit again…I wonder why they would now fit and didn’t before? Wait did you think about that? If you diet, change the current you, the clothes you are trying to get rid of, for whatever reason, now fit because you FINALLY changed!

      Issue #3: “…only purchasing perfect fits…” You are making things more clear for me…you have a disillusion on clothes! The perfect fit does not exist…let me be clear (In my Obama voice) In life you will continue to always be dieting thus the new clothing will not all ways fit properly…but it will be the memories, tatters, and rips that will cause you to hold on to your clothing in the long run. But if you choose not to hold on, Breezy would then be talking about you:

      “…You aint nothin but a vulture. Always hopin for the worst,
      waiting for me to phuck up. You’ll regret the day when I find another girl, yeah. Who knows just what I need, she knows just what I mean when I tell her keep it drama free…Chuckin up them deuces!”

      Do you List…I see you are growing and happy you are continuing to diet…Keep up the good work. Deuces


      • LIST Says:

        TNKMN: Curious might have been the wrong word. This response makes me think you’ve taken my analogy and new-found methodology for my love life, personal. I’m going to get rid of the analogy because it might be what’s confusing you:

        #1- I should have been more affirmative in my statement. “I will NOT deal with the men on my List again.” They are on the list for a reason (as stated above, they have hurt me in the past or provide no added value). So why am I holding on to them/keeping them around? It’s time for them to go. I am a pack rat….it’s difficult for me to let things go even when I know it’s the best thing for me. I’m working on improving LIST which means out with the old.

        #2- Sounds like you’re implying that it’s not the men in my life, that it’s me whose causing them to be a bad fit. Maybe so. But you don’t believe that it’s 100% me do you? Even if I change, I can’t guarantee the men will. So I prefer to start anew (don’t want to be the bag lady).

        #3- I know there’s no perfect man or perfect relationship, but I know it can be much better than what I’ve experienced in the past, or what I’ve got hanging in my closet. At this point, nothing seems worth holding on to. Hence the fall cleaning. A better me will bring better options or cause the men I know to step their game up. Either way, I’m not keeping them around to find out.

        I’m just trying to dig through the weeds and I’m sure there are some men in my life who will be glad that I let them go. “Probably didn’t register, don’t trip, later on it will…”

        NB: This could apply to anyone in my life, not just men. But since I’m working on a better love life, they are the target this time around 🙂


  3. Odilla Says:

    You need to take me off the rack and put me on…


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