Last week it started to become really cold in DC, but the weather has been unseasonably warm this weekend. I was trying to decide what to do this morning when I had a video chat with my bestie who lives in South Africa. After doing our usual lamenting about our lives, and proffering our unsolicited free advice to each other, I decided that it was time to do some fall cleaning. Nope, not of my apartment (though that also needs to be done), but of some of the people men in my life.
I explained to her how I felt as if my life wasn’t together. Like most of my friends, she couldn’t understand why I would say that or I would have this feeling of unhappiness. Here I am living out my dream….doing all that I have always set out to do. I have the career that I have always wanted to have, I am living the life that some might envy, yet still I was chatting to my bestie complaining about being unsatisfied. I guess to some extent we are all a bit unsatisfied with our lives–it might be what causes us to challenge ourselves and aspire for more. But this type of dissatisfaction I have acquired had become unnerving. Could I ever attain happiness, completeness, and satisfaction in my life? I started to realize that if I had ever reached that point, then the challenge was over and I might as well roll over and die. In other words, life is always filled with challenges.
It hit me then that the root of my recent unhappiness dissatisfaction was the fact that I have men in my life who either have hurt me in the past or provide no added value for my future. Now we all know people that fall under these two categories in our lives so why am I focusing on cleaning out the men you might ask? Because I realize that as I continue to fulfill my professional aspirations, it is more fulfilling when you have someone to enjoy it with. I am sick and tired of my tumultuous love life. So I have a new fall anthem. I’m clearing out the men clothes that’s been hanging in my closet for a few years knowing I don’t ever plan on taking them off the hanger to wear them again. To prevent myself from going in the closet to try on those pants which I know no longer fits me or just isn’t a good look, I’m clearing them out and getting a new wardrobe (peep the analogy).
So I turned on my new theme song–Deuces (un-edited version). I am not a fan of Chris Brown but I heard the words to the song the other day (yes I’m falling behind on staying up on pop culture) and it was talking to me like one of those good church songs that causes you to stand up and catch the spirit. With a glass of one of my fine South African wines in tow (which I only open on important occasions), I began writing The List (no pun intended). They won’t know that fall cleaning is coming, I won’t say a word. I’ll just slip away unnoticed. I’m flipping the middle finger up and the index finger follows…Deuces