You all know that I celebrated a birthday a few weeks ago. Well, my mother’s birthday present to me was a few items from Victoria’s Secret. Some might find this kinda weird, but truth be told, my mother has always been the purchaser of my undergarments. Every Christmas without fail, I can expect to find some Victoria’s Secret items stuffed into my Christmas stockings. My mom called one morning and wanted to know whether the bras fit. Why wouldn’t they fit? I mean, she’s been purchasing my bras for the past 17 years. I told her I didn’t have time to try them on because I was getting ready for work, but I would let her know. Anyone who knows my mother, knows that she likes to get her own way (wonder where I get it from) so I agreed to try one of them on. One bra looked kinda funny and seemed overly padded, so I tried that one on first (assuming that this would be the one that would have to be returned). To my amazement, the bra was not only a perfect fit it was–a miracle!
Before I go any further, let me give you a bit of background about me and my lil bitties. So when Kanye said that line, “and up top—–two bee stings” he was talking about me. Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I knew I was in trouble. As all the girls got dressed for physical education class each week, I seemed to be the only one whose breasts seemed to be stagnant. By the time I became a senior, I realized my breasts had not grown in almost four years and probably without a doubt were not going to get any bigger . As a senior in high school, I decided that I needed breast implants (yes, this was before implants were the “in thing”). Since I didn’t have that kind of money, I had to settle for Vicky’s best miracle bras. But on that morning, when I tried on the bra sent to me by my mom, I realized that Vicky’s finally got it right! They created the bra of all bras! It is advertised as being able to increase you by two cup sizes. Of course, with all the many pseudo breast enhancement inventions, I didn’t believe that this bra would be any different. But it was!! I’m not posting any before and after pictures, so you’re going to have to use your imagination through this part: it not only transformed my breasts into those that you see on the likes of Halle Berry but it gave me lift like Kim Kardashian–it gives the elusion of my boobs being way too big for the bra. The first thing I did was thank my mother on saving me all that money on breast enhancements, then I put on the lowest cut top that I had and took a few pictures with my camera to show off my new size C breasts. Then leave it up to my sister to bust my bubble…
She saw the picture and the first thing she said was, “who are you going to fool with those?” I couldn’t understand why she would say that. They looked real to me. I wasn’t trying to fool anyone but they looked big, and perky and pretty! And you have now reached the purpose of this blog post. My sister and I disagree on the impact of wearing this bra. Now let me preface my explanation by stating that my sister’s breasts are gigantic much bigger than mine, so she has no understanding of what it is like to be a member of the itty bitty titty committee. I told her that there was nothing wrong with wearing a bra that accentuated my assets. She warned that any man who saw my fake boobs and got the lucky chance to see what was really underneath, would hate me for my deceptive bra. I explained to her that I was not intending to deceive, and since most men don’t like their girl to have implants, then they should understand why I had to opt for such a bra. I mean, it’s still soft to the touch (minus the padding). I am aware that it will go back to its real size once I take it off, so it’s not like I’m trying to get over on him. So this blog poses a question to the men: (i) are you bothered by a woman who wears a bra that appears to increase accentuates her bosoms? (ii) Would you consider that woman to be a fraud? (iii) Do you prefer that a woman wears a bra that reflects her actual bra size? Or (iv) are you one of those men who doesn’t mind squeezing on some (silicone) saline?
Tell your girls to check on their girls!
Breast Cancer Awareness Month