Men: How to Approach A Woman

I went out for drinks with a male friend of mine the other night and he asked me an interesting question.  He wanted to know what I would prefer a guy to say when he approaches me.  I paused and thought about it for a second, then came to the conclusion that I simply want a guy to be himself.  No game. No come-on line.  No fake conversation.  He simply had to be himself.  Then I thought about how I’ve met most of the guys that I later dated, and they were usually men who I was simply friends with (if we weren’t friends before it turned out badly).

About a week later I attended a networking event with my girlfriends.  While sitting in rush hour traffic I contemplated taking a detour for home because I knew what type of “networking” would be happening.  An opportunity for DC “who’s who” to flex their game and pick up lines, under the guise of their professional prowess.  Needless to say I was very shocked at how the night turned out.  As I walked around I watched the swapping of business cards, conversations about various professional organizations and casual discussions about living in DC.  I left the event pleasantly surprised and reassured with my theory that men would have an easier time approaching women if men were themselves and simply sparked conversation as they would with a person who they were not interested in.  With this approach, the man seems more genuine and the lady isn’t put off by his forwardness.

How does a guy implement this strategy?  He sees a woman in a bookstore (not the club—I’ll probably never date a guy from an encounter in the club) and comments on the book she’s reading (if he’s familiar with it).  He asks her whether she likes to read a lot.  If she seems open to his overture, then he continues with the conversation and allow it to naturally progress.—in the end she may end up asking the guy out.  So men take heed—if you see a woman who you are really feeling, don’t spit that game—don’t come on too hard.  Just be yourself and you increase your chances of the woman being interested in you.


4 Responses to “Men: How to Approach A Woman”

  1. ODILLA Says:

    I never understand when women say the wouldnt date someone they met in the same club they are in. Does it say something bad about them for being in the club ..but you are in the same place? what does be yourself ..thats the worst idea ever.


    • LIST Says:

      I can’t speak for all women, but the club atmosphere is created to be a place to pick up women and men. Therefore, it’s not a matter of the person being in the club, it’s a matter of I will not take a guy seriously if this is where I meet him. For example, if I tell a guy I meet at a club that I am not interested, 10 seconds later, I see him chatting it up with another woman. I’m sure you’ve seen it occur. There simply isn’t much geniuiness that people have when they are meeting in a club. As for being yourself, it is only considered a bad idea if you don’t like the type of person you are. You want someone to like you for who you are so being yourself is the best approach to take.


  2. odilla Says:

    Should the person leaving the club crying when you turn him down? What about buying some brie makes a man more trustworthy. Logic would indicate that a person going to a place designed to pick up a woman wants to actually meet someone. The common mistake woman mistake women make is looking for a fairytale meeting. The dude that meets you in by the cheetos probably has done this before.


  3. LIST Says:


    If I didn’t know you I would not have been able to decipher the nonsense you just wrote. I was not trying to imply that a man in a club should not be trusted. Men generally come with their game in tow and turn up the charm in a club. They’re willing to spend more (on drinks), and some will say anything to simply get in your pants. I’m not saying all encounters will be like this, but clubs can oftentimes be a meat market. Not necessarily looking for fairytale, just something a bit less orchestrated.


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