Tonight on Nightline, Steve Harvey will be hosting a special on “Why Can’t A Successful Black Women Find a Man”. I was out of the country when he hosted the first Nightline special, and I’m still baffled as to why mainstream media is so fascinated by this fallacy. Apparently this special includes prominent single black women who will provide more credence to the notion that black women cannot find a man. So they throw in some statistics (according to a recent Yale study, 43 percent of African-American women over the age of 16 have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women), add black men who want to tell us that our standards are up WAY too high and our expectations are delusional–the recipe for convincing black women that they will likely be alone in life.
I think I need to send Nightline my post on the moratorium and an earth-shattering notice: WE CAN FIND MEN! What will black women get out of this discussion that we haven’t heard before? The only thing I think mainstream media adds to this discussion is reassurance in black men that they don’t have to be accountable because sistahs will struggle to find their replacement. I’ve been told by a guy I’ve dated that my expectations were too high. I was kind of puzzled because truth be told, I thought I lowered my standard by dating him in the first place. The only thing I’ve learned from lowering my expectations is NEVER do it. A woman will never be happy with a guy she feels she settles for. I found myself annoyed with everything he did, when in reality I should have been annoyed with myself because I tried to convince myself that I liked him. Now don’t get me wrong, sistah’s expectations must be realistic. But when a man believes that I’m asking too much when I expect him to be respectful, honest, accountable, and love me like any woman (regardless of race) would want to be loved, then I’ll keep it moving.
Yes, sistahs have to work on being more patient, have better communication with their men, and support them and make them feel needed. We are both a work in progress, so why is the focus on us? How about a discussion on “Why Black Men Are Not Stepping Up to Be Better for Black Women”?
After reading my Mr. Right post, one of my girlfriends was so excited by my approach, that she proposed an innovative idea. Every week we would give a guy we know the title, “Mr. Right of the Week”. Instead of finding fault in Black Men, let’s uplift those who exhibit the qualities that we want in our men. Instead of focusing on the “plight” let’s focus on all the great ones we know. Maybe if we give it enough attention, Nightline will pick it up.
As for the Nightline special tonight, the only great thing about it is most of us will be asleep by the time it airs.