Requirements: Tall DARK and Handsome

So I ran across this post regarding the top 20 list of reasons why so many Black women won’t date non-Black men. Of course this is all a matter of one’s opinion and experiences, but as I went through the list, I realized that most of these are things that I have said or have heard my girlfriends say. I thought I would provide a more substantive explanation for some of them (narrowed it down to 10):

1. We’ll have to convince the guy that racism exists– I’m sure some of you saw the movie Something New with Sanaa Lathan. Although race may not be at the forefront of our minds, as black women we are always consciously or subconsciously aware of the racism that happens around us.  It is arguable that being a white male in this society is one of the biggest privileges one can be born with. So as black women, we don’t want to have to spend the time getting angry with our SO (like Sanaa did) when he can’t understand why the promotion we didn’t get at work was “a black thing.” Granted we can sometimes make it all about race, but at the other end of the spectrum, we don’t want to have to convince the guy we’re with that racism affects us even if it doesn’t affect him.

2. The sex won’t be good- I’m going to leave this one alone.

3. People will look at us crazy in public and judge us– Society has become much better with being accepting of interracial couples. But I have girlfriends who have dated white men for many years and still say that it sometimes makes them uncomfortable when they are out in public.

4. He won’t understand Black Hair– I had a friend (white guy) ask me one time why black women wear a scarf on their heads at night to go to bed. I was patient and schooled him to black woman’s hair, but a couple more questions about it and I would have become annoyed.

5. We’ve accomplished so much and worked so hard. We deserve to be with a Black man– The irony is for some brothas, being hard working and accomplished means that they deserve to be with a white woman. Sistah’s think differently…for all the work they’ve put in to making themselves a “great catch” the reward should be a brotha who is equally as great.

6. We’ll have to be politically correct around him– No dropping of the N-bomb because we will go buck wild if he ever tried to use it! Which probably means referring to his people using names of food would probably not be appropriate either.

7. Our families won’t embrace us– Let’s face it–our parents are from a generation who were kids during the1967 Supreme Court case of Loving v. Virginia. Before 1967 it was unlawful in some states for interracial couples to get married. Although times have changed they haven’t changed that much with all of our families.

8. He won’t be able to dance– See number 2 above.

9. He won’t be comfortable eating our food– Some black women may not want to admit it but some of us enjoy eating chitlins (chitterlings for the proper folks). We don’t want to have to worry about him looking sideways at something we put on his plate.

10. He’ll embarrass us in front of Black people– See number 8. It’s one thing to worry about what’s coming out of your man’s mouth, it’s another thing to worry that something he says and something he does would highlight the fact that he’s white.

Though I understand why these reasons exist, I personally don’t agree with any of these sentiments.  I am a proponent of interracial dating and black women stepping out of their comfort zone.  Yeah you might have to school him to the rules of black hair (#1 rule, never get our hair wet without our permission).  It’s okay to want to be with a black man, but don’t set limits on finding love simply because of this list.  Nevertheless, I can’t deny that these concerns exist and until black women get over them, we’ll continue to limit ourselves.


5 Responses to “Requirements: Tall DARK and Handsome”

  1. Mr. Tuskegee Says:

    I would say the same is on the male side…

    And I’m not pro interracial for most of the reasons mentioned in the article. #7 – Most of us do not dance anyway. I’m a product of that family that’s not having it…and I’m a continue that thinking (maybe ignorance), on to my generation & next…I do agree with happiness…doesn’t mean I’m a support that mess.

    I’m down to experiment…but you crazy if I’m a bring you home to meet Mom Dukes! I love the BLACK WOMAN…nuttin like her…ask any race and they will tell you da same…as far as the black man…if you did not have one ( A REAL MAN) in your life, you do NOT know what one looks like…If you seek other means it’s usually for that reason.

    Black Love!!!!!!! I’m all for it.


  2. dixonm Says:

    Mr. Tuskegee,

    Thanks for your insight. As a Black woman I definitely appreciate the black love. But like my Mr. Right article tried to point out, there are plenty of black women who might want to be with a Black Man but the reality is there aren’t enough for all of us. Statistically you outnumber us. So as much as I know you love your black women, unless you clone your handsome self, then some of us black women will have to be more open-minded.


  3. Mr. Tuskegee Says:

    Ohhh flattery will get you EVERYWHERE!!!

    IDK where you are getting your statistics from, but that is hardly the case. I don’t feel there is a problem with being picky, but there was a another article sent to me a few weeks ago that I felt was a good read:

    Nothing wrong with being open minded…I’m just as open minded…tasted enough flavors to stand STRONG on…there is NOTHING on this Planet like a Black woman. She satisfies all for me…and a ONLY a Black man can satisfy ALL for her…although she can satisfy ALL for ANY race…She can dip outside…but her mind, body, & soul will urine for REAL BLACK MAN.

    I will work on the cloning thing doe…:-)


  4. Mason Eleam Says:

    Thanks for your support, i was thinking about you the other day. What you wrote is great advice any way that you look at it.


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