So I ran across this post regarding the top 20 list of reasons why so many Black women won’t date non-Black men. Of course this is all a matter of one’s opinion and experiences, but as I went through the list, I realized that most of these are things that I have said or have heard my girlfriends say. I thought I would provide a more substantive explanation for some of them (narrowed it down to 10):
1. We’ll have to convince the guy that racism exists– I’m sure some of you saw the movie Something New with Sanaa Lathan. Although race may not be at the forefront of our minds, as black women we are always consciously or subconsciously aware of the racism that happens around us. It is arguable that being a white male in this society is one of the biggest privileges one can be born with. So as black women, we don’t want to have to spend the time getting angry with our SO (like Sanaa did) when he can’t understand why the promotion we didn’t get at work was “a black thing.” Granted we can sometimes make it all about race, but at the other end of the spectrum, we don’t want to have to convince the guy we’re with that racism affects us even if it doesn’t affect him.
2. The sex won’t be good- I’m going to leave this one alone.
3. People will look at us crazy in public and judge us– Society has become much better with being accepting of interracial couples. But I have girlfriends who have dated white men for many years and still say that it sometimes makes them uncomfortable when they are out in public.
4. He won’t understand Black Hair– I had a friend (white guy) ask me one time why black women wear a scarf on their heads at night to go to bed. I was patient and schooled him to black woman’s hair, but a couple more questions about it and I would have become annoyed.
5. We’ve accomplished so much and worked so hard. We deserve to be with a Black man– The irony is for some brothas, being hard working and accomplished means that they deserve to be with a white woman. Sistah’s think differently…for all the work they’ve put in to making themselves a “great catch” the reward should be a brotha who is equally as great.
6. We’ll have to be politically correct around him– No dropping of the N-bomb because we will go buck wild if he ever tried to use it! Which probably means referring to his people using names of food would probably not be appropriate either.
7. Our families won’t embrace us– Let’s face it–our parents are from a generation who were kids during the1967 Supreme Court case of Loving v. Virginia. Before 1967 it was unlawful in some states for interracial couples to get married. Although times have changed they haven’t changed that much with all of our families.
8. He won’t be able to dance– See number 2 above.
9. He won’t be comfortable eating our food– Some black women may not want to admit it but some of us enjoy eating chitlins (chitterlings for the proper folks). We don’t want to have to worry about him looking sideways at something we put on his plate.
10. He’ll embarrass us in front of Black people– See number 8. It’s one thing to worry about what’s coming out of your man’s mouth, it’s another thing to worry that something he says and something he does would highlight the fact that he’s white.
Though I understand why these reasons exist, I personally don’t agree with any of these sentiments. I am a proponent of interracial dating and black women stepping out of their comfort zone. Yeah you might have to school him to the rules of black hair (#1 rule, never get our hair wet without our permission). It’s okay to want to be with a black man, but don’t set limits on finding love simply because of this list. Nevertheless, I can’t deny that these concerns exist and until black women get over them, we’ll continue to limit ourselves.